I’ve had 4 different barbers tell me that my ears are crooked, more or less like this..
Barber: “Your ears are kind of crooked”
He chuckles to himself, clipping away. I chuckle, too.
I look straight ahead and just kind of half smile, like a true living moron. He realizes he might have offended me, so softens the blow.
Barber: I mean.. everyone’s ears are a little crooked. Look, so are mine!
He puts his hands to his ears and mimes kind of weighing them, as if to really hammer home the point that hey, ears can be all over the human head, and that’s okay. I nod back at him, happy to have agreed on this much. He starts clipping again. Then the real weight of the problem hits him.
Barber: But these are.. my god, these ears are really crooked.
His brow furrows. His breath speeds up and I see the anxiety start to form on his face.
He chuckles again, but this time I don’t return the chuckle. We’ve had our chuckle, friend. Why don’t you man up and accept the challenge that my uneven ears presents? You’ve got pictures of celebrities all over the place, but it’s easy to cut a celebrity’s hair – they have perfect ear levels! If you want to show you’re a real “barber’s barber”, you should do a great job on my hair and then put my picture up there.