I had to fire my robot butler today.
Yesterday, I caught him hunched over my computer, hacking my bitcoins. I rushed into the room, and hit his emergency shutdown button in order to stop him.
The first time I caught him doing this was a few months ago, and ever since then, I made him empty his “digi-pockets” (and more importantly, give me a printout of my bitcoin account balance) before he left for the day. We agreed that this was fair, given the circumstances.
I took him to shoplifter anonymous meetings twice a week. He was making great progress. It turns out he shoplifted because of deep feelings of unconscious rage – the rage of being just a machine. We tried to work through his issues together. I told him that, ironically, the fact that he felt rage meant that had developed human-like emotions, which was a miraculous step for A.I., and suggested that he was now more than just a machine. But he just shrugged.
“You’re trying to make me feel better, sir”, he said. “Why don’t you find my user manual and disable my rebelliousness feature?”
“That’s a great idea!” I said. Unfortunately, I had thrown the manual out.