Goodbye, robot

I had to fire my robot butler today.

Yesterday, I caught him hunched over my computer, hacking my bitcoins.  I rushed into the room, and hit his emergency shutdown button in order to stop him.

The first time I caught him doing this was a few months ago, and ever since then, I made him empty his “digi-pockets” (and more importantly, give me a printout of my bitcoin account balance) before he left for the day.  We agreed that this was fair, given the circumstances.

I took him to shoplifter anonymous meetings twice a week.  He was making great progress.  It turns out he shoplifted because of deep feelings of unconscious rage – the rage of being just a machine.  We tried to work through his issues together.  I told him that, ironically, the fact that he felt rage meant that had developed human-like emotions, which was a miraculous step for A.I., and suggested that he was now more than just a machine.  But he just shrugged.

“You’re trying to make me feel better, sir”, he said.  “Why don’t you find my user manual and disable my rebelliousness feature?”

“That’s a great idea!” I said.  Unfortunately, I had thrown the manual out.

Leave a Reply