The Case of Jillian Postfontane

Jillian Postfontane was the greatest Harry Potter fan fiction author of her generation.  Her stories were frequently mistaken for “the real thing.”  She had won all the Harry Potter fan fiction awards for the past 5 years.

In August 2007, MI6 raided Ms. Postfontane’s compound in South Africa, expecting to find either the stolen notebooks of, or sophisticated eavesdropping equipment with which to spy on… Ms. Rowling.  How else could Ms. Postfontane’s writing have been that good?

MI6 found neither.

What they did find, as the rooms of her estate were searched, was Jillian sitting calmly in her living room easy chair.

An agent approached her.

“I’m going to have to search you.” He said.

“You won’t”, replied Ms. Postfontane.

She swiftly karakate chopped his hand, as more agents swarmed her.  She battled them all expertly for 10 hours, until finally, she managed to get to the window where a rope ladder was waiting for her.

“Before I go, you all should know…”  She removed her face, revealing circuits and wires.  “My name is HPBot9400, and I am an A.I. created to write Harry Potter fan fiction.  I was created by Dr. Piper Wareheim, the famed scientist.”

The lead agent looked shocked and confused.

“So no crime was committed?  Your fan fiction is so good just because of an achievement in artificial intelligence?” asked the agent.

“Oh no – Dr. Wareheim did develop my programming by first stealing Ms. Rowling’s notebooks and using sophisticated eavesdropping equipment with which to spy on Ms. Rowling.”

All the agents, and the face of HPBot9400 (in her own hand) laughed heartily at this revelation.  Then HPBot9400’s body collapsed because she was now missing the CPU that she had ripped off.

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