Meditation

Chet sits down to meditate.  He sets the timer for 10 minutes.

Breath in.

Breath out.

…Am I breathing too deeply? Too shallowly? What if I have a rare lung disease and my breathing is imperceptibly “off”, and because of that, my meditation has no value. Or worse, it’s actually harming me?  

Breath in.

Breath out.

…I said I would meditate for 10 minutes.  However, I just went on a “thinking tangent” for about 2 minutes.  I’ll have to tack on 2 minutes to the end of this session to make up for it.  Oh no, but I can’t stop to adjust the timer!  Stopping would be terrible.  Stopping would really be “anti-meditating.”  No, I’ll just remember that at the end of this session, I need to do 2 extra minutes.  I’ll just remember.  Having to remember that will NOT distract me the whole remainder of this meditation session!  Of course not!  I’ll just keep it in the back of my mind!  Effortlessly!

Breath in.

Breath out.

… Alright, it’s probably been close to 25 minutes by now, the timer must be broken.  I shouldn’t check the timer, but I will now because I’m sure the timer stopped by mistake, or I didn’t set it correctly.  I’ll just check.

He checks the clock.  Only 4 minutes have passed.

Breath in.

Breath out.

…You know what would really chill me out more than meditating?  Fixing that bathroom light that’s out in the bathroom.  Or vacuuming.  That’s been on the to-do list for a while.  That would be way more powerful than meditating.  Sitting here is a waste of time.  I’m not even planning.  Meditating is the most intense form of procrastinating I’ve ever done.

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