Magnus’s new friends

After binge-watching Friends for hours, Magnus feels woozy and decides to get some fresh air. He walks down the street. A hand clutches his shoulder from behind. It’s Ross.

Ross: Magnus, what’s wrong? You want to be one of the Friends, don’t you?

Magnus: No, it’s fine… I’ll just go back to my world.

Ross: I know how you’re feeling. It’s like you’re.. Like you’re always stuck in.. in second gear, right?

Magnus: Yea..

Ross: Like it hasn’t been your day? Your week?

Magnus: Yea..

Ross: Your month? Your year?

As he says “year”, Ross grabs Magnus’s hand and teleports him to the water fountain from the intro. All the Friends are standing lined up by the water fountain, dressed in their intro clothes. Instead of the intro theme music, solemn and eery church music is playing. Joey and Ross each grab one of Magnus’s shoulders and march him toward the fountain. All 6 begin whispering in Latin. “Omni pluribus et domini gratia ” etc etc. Magnus looks to Chandler, expecting a joke. But he’s never looked more serious. Joey and Ross dunk Magnus into the fountain three times.

Chandler: Magnus, do you reject Satan?

Magnus: I do.

Chandler: And all his works?

Magnus: I do.

Chandler: And all his empty promises?

Magnus: I do.

Chandler: Welcome, Magnus… TO the Friends.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Leave a Reply