Caffeine loyalties

Two energy drink scientists, Daniel Roompaw and Chet Minnows, are working in the lab, mixing chemicals.

Chet: The new elixir is complete. A completely new kind of energy drink.

Daniel: How did you develop it?

Chet: I started by using a special kind of beans…

Daniel: Did you make coffee again?

There’s an awkward silence. Chet thinks to himself.

Chet: ..Yea, I made coffee again.

Daniel: We’re energy drink makers. Not coffee makers.

Daniels eyes wander around the room. He notices they happen to be in the security camera blind spot.

Chet: Arthur said he needs new ideas, right? How about we make coffee in an energy drink size can?

Daniel: No, that’s still coffee.

Daniel starts to sweat.

Chet: What about coffee plus niacin plus taurine?

Daniel: That’s better, but still coffee.

Chet: Ah.. but I like coffee.

Daniel covers Chet’s mouth with his hand. He grabs a pen and paper from his desk and writes “SHUT UP – THEY’RE LISTENING” on the pad. He releases Chet.

Daniel: Good joke, Chet. What a crazy idea? Liking coffee… when everyone knows [ENERGY DRINK] is the best caffeinated drink.

Chet: Oh.. yea.. Ha.. ha

Daniel writes on a new page. “MEET ME AT MULDOON’S BAR AT 8 – I’LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.”

Daniel: Well, let’s get back to work on these new energy drinks.

Later at Muldoons…

Daniel: So you really like coffee, huh?

Chet: Yea.

Daniel: Well you’re not alone. I am a high ranking member of a secret society within the [ENERGY DRINK] company devoted solely to the rise of coffee and the destruction of energy drinks. Tom in the Brewery, Dave in Accounting, Leslie in Marketing – we’re all members.

Chet: Oh my God..

Daniel: We also run a fight club, but that is totally separate, and we can talk about that later.


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